COME, SHARE MY GRIEF WITH ME.

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I make friends with people for the smallest reasons and I thought it was worth writing about.

My social skills are surprisingly high. I don't like crowds but at the same time, I can randomly walk up to anyone just to tell them I like the color of their shirt. I'm one of those persons that enjoys watering people with compliments, even if I don't know them.

I like people and I also do not like people. Sometimes, I feel like I'm a contradiction to myself. I feel a lot. You can even say I'm a FILA. Also, I am very very horrible at making puns. I get shy sometimes but the gra-gra quality in me will not let me give it away.

I grew up in Sapele. People who come from here are not soft and amicable. So it grew on me. I could come off as rude but in my own defense, I'd say I was only trying to defend myself. You know, in these parts, you always have to expect danger. So, how I am able to make friends with people still baffles me.

The most recent of those-friend-making-encounters I have had, happened early this year in March before the lockdown. There is this guy in my faculty that I had only seen twice. He shared a striking resemblance with a classmate of mine from Secondary School. The third time I saw him, I just walked up to him and straight up said, "You look like my classmate, Rukevwe." He was confused. It was expected. Later on that day, to further prove my point, I searched for Rukevwe's photograph and I sent it to the guy from my faculty. I got his number from our class group chat BTW. Anyways, that confrontation sort of birthed a disgusting situationship between us. I have learnt since then to always keep my thoughts to myself.

An earlier encounter happened in 2015. I used to be an indispensable radio head. On the morning show of my favorite radio station, I feel in love with the voice of an intern who worked there. It was nothing romantic at all. I sent a tweet to the radio station asking for the intern's handle. They sent it to me and I have been friends with the since then. I was 16 at that time and he's like 28 now. We've never met but we vibe a lot on the phone.

The thing is like, you win some you lose some. The intern guy played a major role in my life and I will always be happy I made the first move that day five years ago. Now, the guy from my faculty was a total bump. I wish I never even spoke to him even.

Last example. This one was a bitter sweet experience. I had just attended one of those classes for creative writers and on my way home, I saw the guest speaker who had taught us, sitting in the midst of some persons I remembered from the class. The spirit in me said 'Go and talk to him' anyways, a month later, we got into an actual relationship. He was the best thing that happened to me and everyday, I gave myself a pat on the back for making the first move. Well, it all came crashing down four months later. We stopped talking, we had to. Those were really dark times in my life. But guess what, if I could go back in time to change anything, I wouldn't do it. I'd have still walked up to him.

You win some, you loose some. Maybe if I had relaxed  and kept my thoughts to myself, then the situationship would never have happened. Maybe, if I had allowed fate to happen and not walk up to the guest speaker that day, I wouldn't have had my heart broken. Maybe if I hadn't requested for that interns username on twitter, I would never have gotten to speak with him and he probably wouldn't have been sending me money anytime I requested for some. LOOOOOL. This life is not balance.

OHIA, ERNEST CHIGAEMEZU said in his non-fiction story; A RESURGENCE OF PAIN:  “For every human connection I build, I do so with the hope that they would last forever…” But they never do, right?

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