atoms&void

(: Around this time in 2015, you will see a 16 year old girl preparing to attend her JAMB tutorials. She will have four half-braided  piece of hair on both sides of her head causing it to look something like a mohawk. She would have washed  her unisex foot wear for it was always dirty because of the harmattan wind, the footwear was the only one that made her look like a boy. She was a tomboy but the one who never wears trousers. She would talk the talk and walk the walk- like a boy.  Right now, she would have ran across the street of her house to a nearby provision store to get two gala and a bottle of Nutri-milk. When she returns home, she would stuff it in her bag and bid her parents farewell. She would flag down a motorcycle that will take her down to her place of study. She always left home early just so she would sit at the back of the class, next to her two male friends who were SS3 students. Duncan and Truth, yes, that was what she thought first, who would...

Thank you for stopping by & Hello Writing here only brings back sad memories. I opened this blog when I was at my lowest in February, 2019 nine months ago. Things where hard, I had given up on everything, life inclusive. It is funny how sometimes we let our demons defeat us without even putting up a fight. 1. Early this month, I almost lost my life. And while I may or may not be exaggerating, I can assure you that I was something close to that— dying. It was the scariest thing ever. I was out of breath throughout. Only taking deep breaths to keep my lungs alive. I was beginning to grow tired, I figured that if I stopped taking deep breaths, I'd most certainly die. The vibration that was going through my body did nothing but worsen the whole situation. Both my parents were beside me, praying and telling me to take it easy. They cast out the devil and commanded his operatives to stop their evil doings. It'd have been a lot more better if I was just taken to the hospital...

I have always had an active mind, it has become almost impossible for me to hear from the spirit world because I have to double check the actions and body movements I make- if they are as a result of the flow of the spirit of God or just my mind making my body sway to the soft tune of the scale being run on the piano by that very very fine pianists. I remember the day I was filled with the Holy Spirit, it was an unexpected occurrence. It happened during a camp meeting. I invited one of my male friends who also invited a friend of his. I was 15. So there we were in the front of the altar, some standing, some kneeling all where seeking the face of God, the unfilled where asking to be filled. I too was asking to be filled. My friend and his friend were in the congregation such sinners they where. I looked left and right, people where falling to the ground on their own accord. No body laid hands on them. They were falling and speaking in other tongues as the Spirit gave them utteran...

I didn't come with money for  okpa or even my anxiety. I arrived at your gates with clinched fists, drenched clothes and a weary soul. I thought about him, surely he must have walked the same paths as I did tonight. Surely he must have seated in the back seat of that old rickety taxi, door nonexistent allowing the wind to carry droplets of the rain into the vehicle. Minsha or what was it called, she asked if I wanted it, it reminded me of you. You we bound to have taken one too many bites out of that snack. I refused to buy some, I didn't want your taste in my mouth. Perhaps I am being delusional, perhaps I am not. Surely, you must have stepped foot in the biggest library on campus. Perhaps you raced up the stairs or took slow paces not minding as your arms remained stiffed by your side. Did you walk past a lot of girls hostels? Bello Hostel ? Oyo Eta ? Could have, should have. It saddens me that I saw your little world through my very own eyes. Oh how I  would have loved t...

I don't know why but I feel adamant about going to that town. It is not as far away as I'd have loved for it to be and the sad part is that I am not certain about what the future holds for me there. What is the point of going to a place where full of uncertainty for the future? Who wants to led a blinded life where there can't see their tomorrow? Who? I do not want to leave. Come Monday, I do not want to step my foot into that bus which will take me 200 miles away from the comfort of my home. My anxiety has never been more out of place. o ti rẹ mi gaan. Nsukka, I am not coming to you with open arms, rather I am coming to you with clinched fists, my anxiety and some money for okpa .

This is proof that no fugging situation lasts forever. The other day, I was rehearsing with my girls, we started gisting about a distasteful event that happened years ago to one of us. My girl was arrested in the middle of the night for something she knew nothing about, both her parents weren't home at that time, they also were running away from the police in fact, everyone was running away from the police 😂😂 Man, I tell you it wasn't a funny experience. To be locked up in a cell at 2am while still being a 17 years old girl 💔💔💔💔 But yesterday, we were talking about it and laughing our hearts out and I couldn't stop thinking about how nothing is actually permanent. Nothing really lasts forever; pain, love, happiness etc Just enjoy the moment and live. Don't kill yourself. If you stay, you'll just be like my man here Ubee laughing at his stupid ignorant self. Don't you also want to look at your suicide notes in five years time and laugh at your st...

January 6, 2019. I uploaded the coffin emoji on my WhatsApp status. I was finally going to end it. I had come this far and nothing was working. Ayomide couldn't convince me anymore. He tried his best, I know he did but his best wasn't enough to keep me alive. Death was already bidding me welcome into its kingdom and I was smiling and smiling so hard because I knew that rest is completely assured. Free from this world. Free from mom's nagging and dad's constant bickering. Free from Samuel's constant disrespect. Free from Susan's querulousness. Free. Free from Issac's lies. I was going to be free. (Buzzz buzzz buzzzz) Who the hell is this?  "Hello! Is this Oyin?" "Yes it is" "What is the meaning of the coffin on your status?" "I'm tired of everything" "Shut up! How can you be tired? See, this world is sweet. There's so much to enjoy. Go out, go to clubs, have fun, dance, this life is s...

"A semicolon is used when an author could've chosen to end their sentence, but chose not to. The author is you and the sentence is your life." 15. Rukevwe uploaded a photo of her younger sister, Favour on her whatsapp status wishing her a happy birthday. Rukevwe was my classmate back in primary school. I remember Favour, she was a bit bigger than her elder sister Rukevwe and fine too. When I saw her photos on her status I literally had my mouth open she had grown so much, looking all cute and chubby. And so because I wanted to see more photos, I quickly made a decision to check her out on Facebook. 14. It didn't take me long to find her, I knew for sure that she wasn't like one of those people on Facebook whose username where in the same line as something like- "Favvy Smallz or Mhiz Favy or ItzMhiz Favour Pounds" you get my point right? I knew Rukevwe was highly intelligent and I expect her younger sister to be in the same line so I jus...

It's Democracy Day today in Nigeria 🇳🇬 And it just happens that today 20 years ago, the lives of me, my family and hundreds of other people were drastically changed. I'm talking about a massacre, houses burnt to ashes, stray bullets, total chaos!! you get the idea right? right. I'm writing this through the eyes of my mother because c'mon I was only a month old when all this went down. My mom passed away years ago (May your soul continue to rest in perfect peace Ma😔) She didn't have the chance to tell me this story but my dad and older brother have told me this story repeatedly over the years and I thought it'd be cool if I retold it from my mom's own  point of view. (I know I'm the greatest yeah? 😎😎) P.S Her name  Fumilayo So... Here goes nothing . . . . The cock had crown three times now, it signifies the dawn of a new day. "They haven't attacked yet, maybe God has finally answered our prayers" Funmilayo thoughts as s...

Life is like a box of crayons.                          - John Mayer A little while a go, I was reading a book on wattpad. A fery fery intriguing book. And I was fascinated by how the writer was describing her character with different colors. And I thought to myself, "Hey what color are you?" I answered after about 2 mins of intense peni.... sorry thinking. So here goes- If I were a color, I'll be the combination of white and red (with all the shades of red mayb). Now we all know that White and Red when mixed will produce or bring forth or develop whatever- PINK. Cheesy right? WHITE because I'm plain and I have a pure heart 😛😛 you don't believe me? Ask Mr Hassan 😅😅 RED- This color has over 30 shades and I'm all of them-or not. So here goes BLOOD RED- Because I can be aggressive MAROON RED- This internet says this color is a slightly mysterious shade of red. I can be mysterious sometimes  CRIMSON RED- ...

I'm like an open book. When I'm happy it shows, when I'm angry it shows. I'm not in the business of hiding my feelings. You know, people always say that whenever something's going on with you, you shouldn't show it like when you're angry don't frown just act like everything's alright. BS! That is just being plain pretentious Why you gotta bottle up those feelings??! Don't smile when you're pissed or frustrated or when something's off in your life. You frown! You let it show! You tell the world "HEY I'M REALLY PISSED RIGHT NOW AND I NEED HELP!!!" That's the whole essence of frowning right? It's simply a cry for help right? If you go smiling around like nothing's wrong then there's a 99% chance you won't get help. In essence, what I'm saying is- wear your troubles on your face!. You never can tell who's watching. OMG this is sooo wrooong but think about it! Personally, when I'm angr...

Do you feel like two people are going back and forth arguing up in your head? I feel like I have three. Yeah 3 I am the 3rd and only real person the rest are just a figment of my imagination.. Person1: My face is so rough I wish they would be half as smooth as my feet. Person 2: Does it really matter what your face looks like? The aim is to "be yourself" not going around faking something you're not. Person 3: Okay both of you need to shut up you're messing with my reality, I'm down here and you're up there so I make the rules around here. Person 2: What the actual IRONY. Person 3: Please just go away. Person 3: I got head lice I don't know how this could have happened to me. Because of my stupid inquisitiveness I googled the life cycle of a head lice and I found out you feel your hair itch when they bite your head, spit saliva into the hole they literally just bore on your head so the blood won't clog and then they drink your damn blood, so no...

I've got some bad news and I've got some  good news. Nothing lasts forever.                                                Kate McGahan No one  will stay with you forever except the person you end up with and that isn't even certain. People will come, play their parts and go the hell away. It'll break but that's how the script goes. Going through text of some people I thought would stay forever but their number isn't even saved on my phone anymore. Why? because everything is temporary. Shit will only last for a moment after that BOOM it'll be over like dust blown away into diaspora. Gone forever. They'll go on with their lives and you'll never be able to tell if they still think about you or if they miss you or if they still want to be with you. And all you'll ever want to know is why they did you dirty, why they blocked you, why they said "o...

There are things I think i should definitely stop doing I should stop always wanting to take photos at all times it's not like I'm even that fine sef. Hey!! What did I tell you about talking down on yourself???  I should probably stop being online all the darn time it's not like anybdy would miss me after I go offline for let's say 5days really no one would message I'll Prolly get a few texts from a couple of group chats and my dad lol not bad right? I should probably stop being lazy all the time I mean there's absolutely nothing wrong with going out, taking a walk, sitting on the balcony and watch the wonderful wonders of nature but no nah nah nah no lazy ass me prefers to stay inside the four corners of her bedroom surrounded with lifeless objects such as her trolley, plastic table, the broom, hand-fan e.t.c you get the idea right it's almost like surrounding yourself with China Made products other than being outside and taking in the " wonder...

*on the phone* ME : What am I to you? HIM : You're like Oxygen to me *2 weeks later* *texting* HIM : I changed my wallpaper. ME : Is it a photo of me? HIM : Yes. Yes it is a photo of you. ME : Let me see. Let me see HIM : ME : C'mon how is this a photo of me? HIM : That's the best oxygen environment. E ver . If this isn't deep to you, and I don't know what will ever be.

When you light a candle, you also cast a shadow.                                           - Ursula K. Le Guin We all have good days and bad days right? My good days involves me making a grand entry to class- dancing whilst music blasts in my ears. On other days I walk into class and say with a very audible voices "Gentlemen shall we" Trust me they love it they just hide their feelings with comments like " commot from front of class" "is this one mad"  " abeg go sit-down "   e.t.c e.t.c some of them simply shake their heads you know like SMH get it? get it?  okay? okay. I am a self acclaimed class clown at least that's what I think of my self. I'm simply the best and there's no one like me. That's what we're supposed to think of ourselves right? That's what the books say, " you're the best version of yourself " " no one can replace you " e.t.c e.t.c ...

Don't get too deep, it leads to over thinking, and over thinking leads to problems that doesn't even exist in the first place.                                      -Jayson Engay Am I the only one who wakes up in the morning and never feels compelled to get out of bed? Me: Yayy it's a beautiful day that the Lord hath made. Get up Also me: No Me: Get up you've got school. Also: No. can't. won't. don't have to. And I lay in bed for the next 20, 30 mins counting the plywood that runs across my very ancient ceiling because you know they don't use plywood for ceilings anymore duhhh. And I continue counting 1..2..3...4...5...6 and I say to myself okay so we sort of have six boxes because of the plywood that runs across the ceiling hold up how did  those carpenters nail this shit? Did they nail it from above or from beneath urrggg And then slowly my gaze travels to my cupboard and I ...